As the Red Sox starting pitchers continue to operate in the first inning as if they are members of the Pyrotechnic Association rather than the Major League Baseball Players Association, Brian Bannister is poring over computer printouts and analyzing video of David Price, Clay Buchholz, Eduardo Rodriguez, Joe Kelly, Henry Owens and any other starter short of Steven Wright and Rick Porcello. He is looking for the answer to an apparent epidemic of stage fright.

The new assistant pitching coach in charge of paralysis by analysis is being joined in this search by pitching coach Carl Willis and former pitching coach John Farrell. These coaches are all searching for the same thing, which is finding some way to coax their pitchers into being ready to pitch when the game starts.

As of this morning, Red Sox starters have a first-inning ERA of 6.51 and opposing hitters are batting .328 the first time they see them. That latter number is more than 40 points higher than in any other inning and a number so astounding one has to wonder if it is even more remarkable than the first-half performance of David Ortiz. The fact that Ortiz’ efforts have been historic makes clear how consistently inept the starters have been at the start of their shifts.

According to Farrell, the Sox have already tried changing pregame routines and warmup patterns and all they have to show for it since their June swoon is a staff ERA of 5.16 during the last six weeks. Time for a changeup and not one thrown by Buchholz.

Since I still have an AOL account, I’ll take it for granted that Bannister knows more about advanced statistics and computer models than I, so there will be no suggestions from this corner as to how sabermetrics might be used to find a solution to the vexing problem of reduced (or is it increased?) spin rates in the opening inning, except to suggest the spin rate of their pitchers’ heads as they whip around to see line drives denting The Wall has been frightening.

However, that doesn’t mean there’s nothing the rest of us can offer by way of suggestion when it comes to finding a way to prepare the mind of a starting pitcher for the top of the first.

One suggestion would be to take the approach J.D. Drew took toward preparation. Often he would sit at his locker staring at his laptop. I always assumed he was looking at video of that night’s pitcher or his own swing, but closer examination found him often determining what size meat locker he needed to store the carcass of various wild animals he planned to execute with a bow and arrow. Seemed to work for J.D.

Another possibility is the group angst that seems to have gripped all but Wright and Porcello (although Porcello has had his moments as part of the Pyrotechnic Association) in the first inning is a result of stressing too much. That doesn’t mean searching fieldandstream.com or bowhunting.org is for everyone.

So how about shooting dice? What’s more relaxing than rolling the bones for a few bucks?

Tim Wakefield used to like doing crossword puzzles in the clubhouse and he won more games for the Red Sox than anyone but Cy Young and Roger Clemens. Buchholz might struggle with that but Price would do well. The guy went to Vanderbilt, after all.

They could try reading a book. That’s relaxing for a lot of folks. Some could start slow, say with a coloring book and work their way up.

I’d suggest forgetting the simulated inning approach, however. They had poor Buchholz out in the bullpen pitching a simulated first inning before his last outing and still he got shelled like he was the beach at Normandy, proving you can’t fool that guy. He knows it’s not the same if the batters aren’t wearing opposing uniforms.

Then again, maybe relaxation isn’t the issue. Maybe these guys are more relaxed than Cheech and Chong. Maybe they’re too loose, like a broken Slinky. Then what?

Bannister sneaking up behind them shouting “It’s Edwin Encarnacion!” would be one approach. That should scare the daylights out of most of them.

Back in the day, they could have threatened them with unemployment but when you’ve got millions in guaranteed money coming, unemployment looks more like summer break, so there’s not much of a threat there anymore.

Assuming the Pyrotechnics like Farrell as much as they claim to, one could always remind them they’re going to get the poor man fired if they keep allowing opposing hitters to bat .328 in the first inning, but that makes an assumption without solid evidentiary backing. Sort of like assuming a politician is telling you the truth.

So what can be done with the Pyrotechnics to get them safely out of the first inning without the intervention of Engine 33 and Ladder 15? That’s hard to say but my guess is it’s as likely that dice or visiting shotgunadoe.com would be more successful than talking spin rates or FIP, BABIP or (my personal favorite) DIPS with Kelly, Buchholz or Rodriguez.

Listen to Ron every Saturday at 1 p.m. on WMEX-AM 1510.